Why is it called PMS?

Because Mad Cow Disease was taken!

A guy is trying to hook up with a woman in a bar. After quite a few drinks and all the attempts, she admits that she can not do anything because she has her period. At that point, the guy is so drunk and desperate that he doesn't care and takes her home anyway.

In the morning he wakes up alone in bed and tries to recall the events of the last night. All he can remember that he brought a woman into his house and now she is gone. He looks around to find his bed covered with blood. I KILLED HER!!! The man looks at his hands covered with blood THAT'S RIGHT - I KILLED HER!!! Devastated, he gets up and goes into the bathroom to look at himself in the mirror: AND ATE HER TOO!!!!!!!

A girl goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, I think there's something wrong me."

"Why?" asks the doctor.

"I saw on TV that when you use Tampax the fluid is blue, but mine is red!"

A vampire dies and goes to see God, who asks, "I am going to reincarnate you as an animal. What do you want to be?"

The vampire answers, "Something that has wings, sucks blood."

The vampire is reborn as a bat. One day, it's spotted by a farmer, who takes out his gun and shoots it. God says, "Back so soon? What do you want to be this time?"

The vampire answers, "Something that has wings, sucks blood."

The vampire is reborn as a mosquito and flies around preying on people. One day, one of its victims smacks it and it dies. Annoyed, God says, "You again! You can't be an animal this time, it's too much trouble. I'm going to make you an inanimate object. What do you want to be?"

The vampire answers, "Something that has wings, sucks blood."

God turns him into Kotex with wings.

Young lady went to the counter with a box of Tampax and a pair of dark glasses.

Sales assistant asked, "Are you expecting sunny periods?"

What is another name for a used tampon?

Vampire's tea bag

What lurks in the dark, has wings and sucks blood?

It's the new "Always ultra maxi pad."

What do female meteorologists (weather forecasters) have?

Stormy periods!

Woman (to companion): Do you know anything about antiques?

Companion: No, why?

Woman: Because I have this tampon, and I don't know what period it's from!

Why did the blonde jump off the bridge?

She thought her maxi-Pad had wings!!

Have you heard that new womens radio station yet?

WPMS. They play the blues for three weeks then they raga for a week.

What's red and sits in a tree?

A sanitary owl.

Three tampons are walking down the street - which one can you talk to?

None of them - they're all stuck up cunts!

Why don't midgets wear tampons?

They keep tripping on the strings.

What did the maxi pad say to the fart?

"You are the wind beneath my wings . . . ."

How can you tell when a blonde secretary has her period?

She has a tampon behind her ear and can't find her pen.

Why did the tampons have bells on them?

For use during the festive period.

What did one lesbian vampire say to the other?

See you again in 28 days

How do you get a woman to pick cotton?

Set the string on fire.

Why are women like clams?

Because you can't eat them during the red tide!

What's black and white and red all over?

A menstruating nun falling down the stairs.

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