Men Jokes

Why don't men wear tight underwear?
It cuts off circulation to the brain!

Why did God Create man first?
1. Practice makes perfect.
2. Give us someone to bitch at immidately.
3. There's a frist draft with anything.
4. To see what needed to be fixed and then make the proper changes.
5. First is the worst.........Second is the best!
6. To be funny

Why are vibrators better than men?
Because they never screw other women, never come in drunk, and you don't have to do their laundry!

What is the difference between men and women?
A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need........
A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need

Where do you have to go to find a man who is truly into commitment?
A mental hospital.

Why are hangovers better than men?
Hangovers will go away.

How are men and batteries different?
Batteries have a positive side.

Why is virginity like a baloon?
All it takes is one small prick and it's gone.

Why is urine yellow and sperm white?
So men can tell if they are coming or going.

What do UFO's and caring men have in common?
You keep hearing about them but never see any for yourself.

What's the nicest thing about a nudist wedding?
You don't have to ask - you can see who the best man is.

What should you do if your boyfriend starts smoking?
Slow down

What's the difference between a man and a chimpanzee?
One is hairy, smelly and is always scratching himself. The other is a chimpanzee.

Where is the best place in a book store to find a man who is handsome, a good lover and a stimulating partner?
In the pages of a romance novel.

How do we know men invented maps?
Who else would make an inch into a mile?

Why did God create men?
She forgot to put the legs on snakes.

Do you always tell your husband when you've had an orgasm?
No way! I'm not going to call home every time!

Why do women always wear black to bed?
To mourn the dead pricks beside them!!

Why is sleeping with a man like a soap opera?
Just when it's getting interesting, they're finished until next time.

What is the difference between a man and a catfish?
One is a bottom-feeding scum-sucker and the other is a fish.

What did God say after creating man?
I can do better.

Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.

What do you have when you have two little balls in your hand?
A man's undivided attention.

How is a man like a snowstorm?
Because you don't know when he's coming, how many inches you'll get, or how long it'll stay.

Why do men name their penises?
Because they want to be on a first-name basis with the one who makes all their decisions.

Why did God create man?
Because a vibrator can't mow the lawn.

How many men does it take to screw a light bulb?
1 - men will screw anything.
2 - men will screw up anything.
3 - one to actually do the screwing, four to listen to him brag about it

What is a man's idea of foreplay?
A half hour of begging.

How are men and parking spots alike?
The good ones are always taken. Free ones are mostly handicapped or extremely small.

How can you tell when a man is well hung?
When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose.

What do men and pantyhose have in common?
They either cling, run, or don't fit right in the crotch!

What is the difference between men and women?
A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.

Why is a woman different from a PC?
A woman won't accept a 3½" floppy."

Why do so many women fake orgasm?
Because so many men fake foreplay.

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